Maybe it's because I don't have any kids. But, I just don't get these women. Is this how all moms are? Or is it just these rich women in their high-class society? They seem like a bunch of overreacting whiners. I understand that kids have problems, but is it really necessary to intervene with every little issue? I mean, kids are going to have some less than favorable circumstances in their lives. They're going to feel bad at one point or another. I don't think it's healthy for these mothers to be butting in all the time. I can't remember my mom ever stepping in to solve any of my issues. In fact I'd say that 90% of the time she didn't know I had issues (or at least she pretended not to know). The girls in this book are teenagers. They're old enough to solve their own problems and stand up for themselves. Whether they choose to or not is their own decision. I think if Erin wants to play the martyr and sulk in her room all day instead of acting like an adult and actually talking to her friends, then it's her fault if she gets excluded. I wouldn't want to hang out with her either! Who wants to be around someone who is always feeling sorry for themselves? I've seen this happen a lot. Especially when I was a kid.
I was one of those kids who didn't have a ton of friends, but it was because I chose not to hang out with a bunch of people. I had my one or two close friends I would hang out with and that was fine with me. I knew that if I ever wanted to expand my group, I'd have to be more outgoing and actually go out and talk to the other kids and try to make friends. It's not that hard. I'm still that way. Friendship takes work. You can't just sit at home and hope someone knocks on your door wanting to be your best friend. It takes some effort on your part.
So I guess my whole point of this is these women need to stop being so controlling and just let their kids hash out their own problems. I can see stepping in if there is a serious issue, but your daughter not getting invited to a sleepover is not a serious issue. Am I being too harsh? What are your thoughts on this?
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Urg! I posted a lovely response to this, but it got eaten. And now it's bedtime. Hatred to technology!
ReplyDeleteThe moms in this book are, sadly, pretty representative a lot of moms-- and not just rich ones. Here in Shelley there were a lot of hyperactive mom ladies who felt like they had to have their fingers in everything. A teacher cusses in class? The principal gets five phone calls the next day. A kid fails a test? His mom visits the teacher the next day and threatens to sue the school district if the grade isn't raised. I was at a friend's house one day when another girl's mom called and cussed out my friend for being mean to her daughter.
ReplyDeleteIt's poor parenting, for sure. It's not doing kids any favors to have their moms solve all their problem for them. I think a much more proactive approach would be for the moms to talk their kids through the problems and help brainstorm possible solutions.
I do think you're being a little hard on Erin, though, who is in a situation where "just talking to her friends" is not as easy as it sounds. If she's already feeling rejected, the last thing a middle school girl is going to do is try and invite herself along and risk further rejection or even ridicule. I think that Erin's actually being pretty proactive by taking babysitting jobs on the weekends she doesn't go out with her friends.
K--As soon as I read your comment, I realized that Erin's mom really IS tremendously over-involved in Erin's life. It's kinda sad, you know? That Erin's mom doesn't have a "life" of HER OWN. And that she, and all the moms that Rach wrote about, don't trust their kids to work their own way through their own problems. I think all that intervening must send a message of "I have no confidence in you to handle mild/moderate difficulties."
ReplyDeleteR--I really like your idea of moms being there as sort of "support staff" for their kids, rather than jumping in and micro-managing everything. I remember how horrified I got when my mom would say she was going to go "talk to someone" at school, etc... Although, she and my dad DID look out for my general well-being, and generally, intervened when I needed them to. Also, I hadn't realized it until you pointed it out--but Erin was being rather proactive with the babysitting thing, huh?
This book really has got me thinking (and talking to Paul) about what kinds of adult interventions are really called for and which aren't... And more stuff along those lines. Maybe I'll figure out how to create my own post for all that! :D
--H.
Wow I'm never having kids if this is what I have to look forward to from other parents! Geez. I can't imagine the crazy parents teachers have to deal with.
ReplyDeleteI guess maybe I am being a little too hard on Erin. Middle school is a tough part of growing up. It is probably more realistic to think that she wouldn't confront this group of girls... that's a pretty ballsy thing to do when you're an awkward pre-teen on the outs with a group of popular girls.
I still think Erin COULD wiggle her way back in if she really put her mind to it. But Erin and her mother don't use the same manipulative methods Faith and her mom use so they may have to go about it in another, more difficult way.
p.s. I think I was getting annoyed at this book last night when I wrote that post, can you tell? I was getting all cranky at the needless drama going on. This book is a very strong arguement for the reasons why I don't have a lot of girl friends. I associate lots of drama with the general female population.
That's why I've never liked Jane Austen, either. Her books are all about social dancing-- and that bugs the hell out of me.
ReplyDeleteI mean dancing figuratively. Though there is lots of social dancing in her books the real way, too.
ReplyDelete